Dear Sasuke,
by The Scrawler
Summary: You know, I really hate you." Sakura and Naruto pen letters to their wayward teammate during the two and a half years they are separated; to check up on him and generally inform him how much of a moron he is for joining Orochimaru.
1. You know, I Really Hate You

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I do not own Naruto, all copyright belongs to Kishimoto.

I only own this inane random thing I came up with in a sudden burst of bizarre-ness. All reviews welcome. Rated T for language and Sakura's violent descriptions of dismemberment.

Was initially a oneshot, but well, now I am considering adding more chapters, haha. I dug up the bottom portion which I had forgotten, so that's why it's being reposted.

**Summary: "You know, I really hate you." Sakura and Naruto pen letters to their wayward teammate during the two and a half years they are separated.  
**

* * *

Bastard, how are you doing?

I, on the other hand, feel like shit thanks to your stupid chidori you decided would be a good idea to thrust through my lung. _Unfortunately _for you, perhaps, I survived. Which means I'll still be around to drag your ass back to the Hidden Leaf, by hook or by crook.

Things have been more or less normal, and I hope it would make you feel worse to know that Chouji, Neji and Kiba got seriously injured in their attempt to get you back from Sound, though that probably wouldn't work since you're such a heartless bastard.

I'm going on a three-year training trip with my new sensei, ero-sennin. Just you wait, Sasu-CHAN, I'll be back to kick your ass.

P.S Tell Orochimaru screw him, from me and obaa-chan. And ero-sennin. With love.

--Naruto (In the hospital)

**

* * *

**_Idiot, how did you get this letter to me to begin with?!_

_That aside, I am feeling fine, thank you very much. You are still alive, eh? I wonder how you could have regenerated your lung like that, really. Pff. Don't delude yourself. You didn't survive. I only spared you ON MY WHIM! Got that?!  
_

_No, I quite frankly wouldn't care if anyone died trying to drag me back to the Leaf. The only thing I care about is my revenge. That's the only thing I live for. My dream died on that day, when HE took everything away. That's all I live for.  
_

_Who is this ero-sennin? Don't be delusional, dobe. First of all, you'll NEVER beat me, **dead last**. Further more, I'm being taught by one of the Legendary Sannin. He is more than a match for your ero-sennin, whatever obscure ninja you managed to get to teach a dead last like you._

_Orochimaru sends his love to his two teammates, whoever they are._

_--Sasuke (In some undisclosed location you have no need to concern yourself with)_

* * *

Heh, Sasu-chan. My sensei is hardly what you'll call an "obscure" ninja, thank you. Well, he IS a pervert, but he's an experienced ninja.

Who is this ero-sennin? He is indeed a match for your crazy madman of a sensei Orochimaru. I'm being taught by _Jiraiya_, eat that, Sasu-chan! Unlike me, I'm sure you didn't fall asleep during the Academy classes so you would know who he is. Ero-sennin told me Orochimaru was his teammate, and they were all together on one team, with Tsunade-obaa-chan.

Wow, that sounds really sad, you know, Sasuke? And I mean sad also in the pathetic kind of way. How about enjoying good food like ramen? You don't even live for that? I sure would hate to be you. You really are a heartless bastard you know that? I'm sure your parents are ashamed of you, Sasuke. Becoming a monster like _him_.

Anyway, on a lighter note, Sasuke, you'll be having your ass dragged back to the Leaf by Sakura-chan and I in the very near future.

--Naruto (In an undisclosed location YOU have no need to concern youself with)

* * *

_Are you kidding me, dobe?_

_You're being taught by a SANNIN? You'll always be a dead last, anyway._

_You shut up about my parents, you don't know anything. I'm not a piece of shit like Itachi, that low-down asshole who killed and severely injured members of his own clan and other leaf nin, abandoned the village and joined some organization of missing-nins- wait- NEVERMIND.  
_

_Sakura? Don't make me laugh. That pathetic excuse of a female ninja can't amount to anything. She wasted all her time fawning over me and her shallow fantasies, as she probably is now, waiting for me to come marching back through the gates of the Hidden Leaf, which will NEVER happen. Sakura? That weak girl? Tch, good one, dobe.  
_

_--Sasuke _

_P.S NARUTO I AM NOT COMING BACK DAMMIT! STOP SENDING ME LETTERS!  


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_

_**UCHIHA SASUKE, **_

**_WHEN I SEE YOU AGAIN, I AM GOING TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOUR SHITTY HEAD AND TEAR YOU FROM LIMB TO LIMB. _**

**_YOU FILTHY BASTARD, HOW DARE YOU CALL ME WEAK?!_**

**_FOR THE RECORD, I'D ADMIT I WASTED MY TIME FAWNING OVER AN OVERLY-ANGSTY BOY WHO HAD A STICK SHOVED UP HIS ASS 90 PERCENT OF THE TIME. _**

**_YOU MUST BE SERIOUSLY RETARDED (WHICH YOU MOST LIKELY ARE) IF YOU EXPECTED ME TO BE WAITING, DOE-EYED, FOR MY BELOVED SASUKE-KUN TO COME STRIDING THROUGH THE GATES OF THE LEAF. DID YOU ACTUALLY THINK I WOULD WASTE ALL MY TIME DOING THAT, YOU SCOUNDREL?! _**

**_I MAY HAVE BEEN A DITZY FANGIRL BUT EVEN I HAVE MY TOLERANCE, YOU UTTER SHITHEAD!_**

**_TSUNADE-SHISHOU SAYS HI TO YOUR BASTARD OF A SENSEI._**

**_P.S Hell yes, YOU ARE COMING BACK, if only so I can sock you a good one for the trouble you've caused.  
_**

**_--the pathetic excuse of a female ninja, Sakura (Hospital)

* * *

_**

_Dear me, Sakura, what did you do to get yourself laid up in the hospital? Another of your pathetic attempts at jutsu backfired? Your empty threats are most amusing. _

_I'm sorry, I was under the impression you wouldn't know any better._

_Why, with your overly amorous advances towards me back when I was in the Leaf, I could hardly tell that, dear Saku-chan. Even if you're training under that busty bitch who was my sensei's teammate, you'll always be weak. _

_By the way, what's with all the capitals? You looked liked you practically murdered the piece of paper. Is it that time of the month for you? And how the hell did you get that letter?! I'm sure that messenger bird thing I got from Orochimaru had instructions to fly to Naruto in Konoha!  
_

_--Sasuke

* * *

_

_**Oh, Naruto sent it to me. He's not even in Konoha anymore. He knows I would give you an earful, that's why. Plus you told him to stop sending you letters, no?**_

**_What have I done to get myself laid up in the hospital?_**

**_I'm a medical ninja, you idiot._**

**_You need to be punched, seriously, you cold bastard. I once thought you might ACTUALLY have a heart under all that ice, but it seems you've proven me wrong. And yes, for a while, your somewhat good looks helped cover up your hideous personality, and I got fooled by that. Stop calling Naruto a dead last, at least HE had the sense not to go to some pedophile for power.  
_**

**_Think what you want, shithead. I'm not looking for your approval anymore.  
_**

**_ It's all in capitals because _****_I. HATE. YOU. Get that?_**

**_--Sakura_**

**_Orochimaru, you twit, you still have my medical scrolls, don't you? I know you gave them to that rascal Kabuto. You are being a complete ass once more, I see. I will take pleasure in decimating you the next time we meet. _**

**_--Tsunade.

* * *

_**_Dear Sakura, _

_A medic-nin, eh? Like Kabuto, I guess. Still, you're going to be weak and unable to defend yourself in combat once more, I suppose. Really, with people like you and the dead last, that's why I left the Hidden Leaf. I'm never going to be able to get stronger with such weak teammates who only drag me down. _

_I'd like to see your pitiful attempts to try and carry out your threats, that is, if you don't accidentally get picked off during an escort mission before we encounter each other again- I am sure it will prove to be highly amusing._

_A heart? I never had one, Sakura, not since THAT DAY, doggonit! I did not "go to a pedophile" for power, you annoying girl, Orochimaru just saw fit not be constrained by stupid ethics to become stronger. _

_Whatever. Do I look like I would care if you hated me? In fact, all the better. I'd had enough of your shrieking and stalking back when I was in Konoha. _

_--Sasuke_

_Kukuku, took you that long? Finally discovered it after spending more then twenty years in a drunken daze? I filched it when we were on that mission to Iwa with Jiraiya just before that whelp of your brother got himself killed more then two decades ago.  
_

_I am wondering, despite your apprentice's furious words, you yourself don't seem very concerned with the defection of the Leaf's remaining Uchiha, the pride of his village. I wonder why that is so.  
_

_I look forward to our next meeting, hime._

_--Orochimaru  


* * *

_

**Dear Sasuke,**

**I really hate you, you know that?  
**

**Good, then you'll have a very unpleasant surprise the next time we meet. You're pathetic, with your whole incessant "you're weak" complex. The number of times you've said it in your letters makes me think in reality you aren't all that assured about your strength or self-esteem, so whenever you put me down, it's just a PATHETIC attempt to reassure your LOW SELF-ESTEEM and INFERIORITY COMPLEX, HA.**

**Yeah, your brother too, violated "stupid ethics" to kill your entire clan. Gosh darn, WHO needs ethics?!  
**

**Why am I even bothering to reply to you? I ought to spend my time writing a letter to Naruto, he's certainly nicer then you are.  
**

**--Sakura**

**Yeah, YOU certainly did not help with your smart ass comments when I was at the morgue to see the bodies! Dammit Orochimaru, you make the worst type of consoler at a funeral, you know? I didn't need to know how much the enemy nin had disfigured his body till it was unrecognizable. That's part of the reason I ended up leaving- you made everything so much more traumatic.**

**Uchiha? Hmph. If _only _you knew, dear Orochimaru. That brat is only going to be a security threat WITHIN the Leaf after that stunt you pulled, anyway. **

**It's troublesome, but you can keep him for now.  
**

**--Tsunade**

**

* * *

  
**Hey Bastard,

What's up now? I hope you got a literary earful from Sakura for your asshollerish behavior.

How has your new sensei molested you so far? My sensei may be a pervert but at least he's not after little boys, Sasu-chan. but then again, you do look quite effeminate.

You know, I have wondered these past few months about the kind of relationship we had in Team 7. Just when you looked like you were beginning to pull that stick out of your ass, Orochimaru has to go and give you that hickey. And then you decided to get all envious and shit at the audacity of my ACTUALLY improving till I'm on par with you. Because I'm the friggin' dead last, so I'm supposed to be a dead last forever? Nice, but no thanks.

What sort of strange logic do you possess? Even that "mysterious" power I know you're jealous of has had a very, very hefty price tag on it that I had to pay. And if I could get rid of it, I'd gladly do that.

--Naruto

* * *

_Naruto,_

_Yes, that annoying girl certainly got quite worked up just because I stated a fact. _

_What sort of word is "asshollerish"? _

_Dead last, get your mind out of the gutter. No one is being molested. AND I AM NOT EFFEMINATE OKAY! DO NOT QUESTION MY MASCULINITY! _

_You were just a convenient tool. A TOOL. Nothing more! Nothing else! I wasn't beginning to warm up anyway, I just THOUGHT for a moment that you MIGHT be strong but you and that annoying Sakura went back to being your weak, pathetic, sad selves. _

_Don't delude yourself. I. AM. NOT. JEALOUS. I have NOTHING to be jealous about your weak, pathetic and sad self! _

_There is no "mysterious" power that I was jealous about. It was just a fluke. _

_--Sasuke_

_P.S AND STOP CALLING ME SASU-CHAN JUST BECAUSE I LET YOU GET AWAY WITH IT EARLIER DOES NOT MEAN I DON'T MIND!!!  
_

_

* * *

_Sasu-CHAN!

Man, just chill, will you? You're having so many outbursts of capital letters just because I poked some fun at your masculinity. Unless, of course, your uber male-ness _actually _isn't all that solid, naturally you'll be quite defensive. You seem very emotional, like what I'd expect Sakura when she's having her time of the month. Oh well, nevermind, that's not important.

Oh, asshollerish? I made a new word. It fits you just nice, doesn't it?

Yeah right, you're not jealous. Look at how worked up you got over it in your previous letter. You seem like you're trying to reassure yourself more then you are me. Are you sure? How about that time you stood behind the water tower I blew open with my Rasengan while your stupid Chidori only made a few cracks? You had your mouth hanging open for five minutes. I saw that, you know.

Your inferiority complex is transparent to all, bastard, don't delude yourself. Now stop throwing that hissy fit. You are getting more and more delirious with every subsequent letter.

--Naruto (whose weak, pathetic and sad self is enjoying miso ramen instead of wallowing in an angsty bitch fit like you)

* * *

_Dear Annoying,_

_You ARE weak. Your weak, pathetic and sad self is still clinging to your deluded hallucinations and romantic notions that I will come running into your arms which is why still are replying with your weak, pathetic and sad letters.  
_

_By the way, I just killed over 100! (ONE FREAKING HUNDRED DOGGONIT!) other ninja in a training exercise. Heh, I'd like to see you top that, Annoying. _

**_HA HA HA!_**

**_HAH!!!!!  
_**

_--Sasuke_

_Why Tsunade, really? What is it that I do not know? _

_Nevertheless, my lovely Sasuke awaits and I do not have time to pen inconsequential scribbles under my apprentice's letter to you. See you around, dear hime! Send my evil love to Jiraiya too, will you?  
_

_--Orochimaru_

_

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_

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	2. That Goshdarned Color Pencil Set

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, Kishimoto does. Because, otherwise I would not be waiting impatiently for chapter 430 to come out.

Thanks for your kind reviews, everyone! Haha, I was not planning to continue this story- it was a random thing I thought up but it soon caught on and I thought of more stuff, so I'm posting more. It'll be kinda a humor fic, so there won't be any pairings since it's also letters being exchanged during the two and a half years before the timeskip, so I'm really sorry to those of you who wanted some pairings. Sorry for any grammatical or spelling errors! I did my best to check.

Excuse Sasuke's excessive use of "Doggonits" in the previous chapter. Too much of Sarah Palin's "folksiness".

**2. That Goshdarned Color Pencil Set  
**

**

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**

**What the hell, Sasuke? **

**What kind of screwed up training session is that? Oh, silly me, your sensei IS Orochimaru, after all. What was I thinking? **

**Don't let that ego of yours get too swollen, they were probably lousy redshirts(1) or bandits Orochimaru got hold of. Only four months so far, and you've clearly inherited Orochimaru's blatant disregard for human life, though.  
**

**Congratulations, shithead, give yourself a fucking pat on the back! Yeah! (By the way, I was being sarcastic, in case you couldn't tell.)  
**

**I don't need to "top that", Sasuke. I'll go for quality, not quantity. Plus my job isn't one to kill as many pointlessly. I am no longer clinging to those romantic notions, by the way. **

**Unlike you, I GREW UP.**

**And did you send me this letter with all the bloodstains on the paper purely for some lame dramatic effect? It failed spectacularly, just to let you know. _Doggonit_? Really, Sasuke.  
**

**--Hating You, **

** Sakura**

**P.S Tsunade-shishou thinks you are indeed Orochimaru's sex slave and she will not send his evil love to Jiraiya, or to anyone else, for that matter. Oh, and she says to put down that bag of glue. It's pretty dangerous. And Kakashi-sensei says he's disappointed at what an ass you've become.  
**

**

* * *

**_Tch, Sakura, to think I actually bothered to dignify your WPS self with a proper salutation. _

_Heh, Sakura, you and the dobe cling to too many useless emotions, that is why you are weak. You have too many bonds, you are unwilling to kill an enemy as easily as I am. That holds you back.  
_

_You know, are you really over me and no longer a ditzy fangirl? Or are you just bolder when you don't have to say it to my face? My, your language has certainly gotten pretty coarse, eh? You picked that up from Naruto or your shishou? I wonder what ever happened to your blushing, nervous and polite self whenever you were on another of your pathetic attempts to ask me out. Or your righteous outrage when Naruto wanted to take a leak in front of a "lady". _

_Doggonit is a perfectly nice word, in my opinion. Still a genin, Sakura?_

_And it's not my fault Kakashi decided to teach me the Chidori.  
_

_--Sasuke_

_P.S To clarify, I AM NOT high on any illegal substances, you annoying girl. A little blood making you squeamish?__ Don't you have flower arranging to do, or something?  
_

_

* * *

_

_Deadlast,_

_I. Am. Not. Riled. Up. Certainly not by your insignificant and pathetic attempts to provoke me. Do NOT question my male-ness! _

_I have NOTHING to be jealous about. I was just wondering how a moron like you could manage to learn a somewhat serious technique.  
_

_Plus, at the Valley of the End, I WON the fight. I knocked you out- I could have easily killed you, you know. I spared your life ON A WHIM! A WHIM!! You stupidly used your Rasengan to scratch my hitae-ate instead of aiming it where it could do most damage, HAH, so I got you with my awesome ninja skillz. That's HOW you are weak.  
_

_I am not getting delirious, my letters are coherently written, Naruto. I have NO inferiority complex. I am not throwing a hissy fit- that'd be Kabuto; he's gotten his panties in a twist just because I stole some off his senbon and ate his lunch- I was really hungry after this amazing training session when I killed 100 ninjas all by myself.  
_

_For all your grandiloquent declarations about how you and Sakura are going to drag me back to Konoha, good luck with even finding Orochimaru's base in the first place. You better watch that ramen- you might end up keeling over before you can even fulfill this grand mission of yours.  
_

_--Sasuke, in some undisclosed location that Orochimaru has moved to.

* * *

_Sasuke,

You have been known to be illogical but what you say really beggars belief. Rasengan is a "_somewhat_" serious technique? Hahaha! Who are you kidding, bastard? The jutsu the _Yondaime _created is a "somewhat serious" technique? Delusions and denial are very dangerous, dear Sasu-chan. You are clearly losing your grip on reality.

Will you even listen to yourself, bastard? By your logic, _you _must have been weak too, since you didn't finish me off at the Valley of the End, the same way I scratched your hitae-ate instead of striking your heart; which you harangue as a sign of my "softness". By the way, what are these "whims" of yours that you so love mentioning? They must be really dumb whims, though, from the looks of it.

Seriously, it must be unpleasant being Orochimaru's student. Even without him taking any passes at you or anything, I imagine his hideout must be some dark, musty cave or something, where bat droppings rule the day. Hell, with ero-sennin, at least I get to travel all over the Five Great Countries. And what kind of stupid training session is that? As expected, from Orochimaru, though.

Aw, Sasu-chan, I'm _soooo _touched how concerned you are for my wellbeing! Well, you needn't worry, I'll never die from something like that. I still have to kick your stupid ass and knock some sense into your equally stupid brain, don't I?

Go on with your sad posturing of how weak I am, Sasu-chan. Don't let my harsh words shatter your delicate self-esteem, will you?

--Naruto (Somewhere in Lightning Country, seriously, their lightning storms own your stupid Chidori, you know?)

* * *

_Dead Last,_

_Shut up, dobe. I am not deluded. And I have no obligation to tell you what these "whims" are. All you need to know is that you've never really been __able to match me on the battlefield. The only reason I spared you was because I wasn't going to follow that piece-of-shit brother of mind's methods.  
_

_My current abode is quite comfortable, thank you, and does not have the bat droppings you imagine. Yes, we do have proper plumbing. _

_So has that perverted teacher of you taught anything? And believe me, my new technique I am creating is intended to rival those lightning storms you talk about. _

_AND I AM NOT CONCERNED FOR YOUR WELLBEING. WHY DO YOU AND SAKURA LIKE QUESTIONING MY GENDER OR SEXUALITY AND MAKING THESE STUPID COMMENTS?! _

_I. Do. Not. Have. A. Delicate. Self. Esteem.  
_

_And I am NOT being overly-emotional or whatever nonsense you have thought up._

_And you are still weaker then me, dammit!  
_

_--Sasuke_

_P.S Are you that stupid to tell me that you are in Lightning Country? Aren't you worried Orochimaru could, say, leak this information to that damned organization my brother is a part of?_

_

* * *

_

**Hey Asshole,**

**It's been half a year now, so how is it so far living in some hole in the ground with Orochimaru?**

**Don't stress your minuscule brain figuring it out.**

**That idiotic, "blushing, nervous and polite self" died and got lost. Actually, she'd been getting lost ever since the Chuunin exams, when I decided to cut my hair to free myself from that Sound bitch, what was her name-Kin? I guess Inner Sakura came out, loser. Too bad, I'm not going to take your shit anymore the next time we meet.  
**

**Here you go again, you chauvinist, misogynist PIG. I'm a medic-nin, I'm not afraid of blood. Flower arranging doesn't take up all my time, you know. I'm making a nice wreath for your funeral though, after Naruto and I rip you to shreds for your supreme stupidity. At least I don't spend my time talking to myself how I am going to kill my only living relative every morning, which I'm sure you do- it's the only way you can prep yourself to face the day- since you say your revenge is the only thing you live for. **

**Oh, my language? Shishou's been a pretty good influence and source of awesome swear words to use on annoying shitheads like you.  
**

**Doggonit is a LAME word, Asshole, for the record.  
**

**I'll be taking the Chuunin Exams in a week's time. With Ino and Choji. We have to leave for Kirigakure now. You can safely conclude that if I don't reply to you more then three months later that I've either died (Go throw a party to celebrate my demise, I know you want to) or have decided to ignore you for good.**

**And do tell your sensei not to pull any of his stunts during the next Chuunin exams, Sasuke, or your brother will be the only one able to revive your clan.  
**

**--Sakura**

**P.S What the hell does WPS stand for?  
**

**

* * *

**

_Good luck, Annoying, you'll need it. _

_It'd be a miracle if you could get through to the second exam, let alone come out of the whole thing alive. During that last exam, me and that dead last practically carried you through. And it was held in Konoha.  
_

_Don't stress about Orochimaru interfering- he's got better things to do. His grudge is against Konoha, not Kiri or anything. _

_You know, maybe if you're lucky, you'll have to move onto flower arranging after this Exam exposes what an inept ninja you are._

_I'll be waiting for your reply in three months time, Annoying, only because your rantings are highly amusing.  
_

_--Sasuke_

_P.S **W**eak,** P**athetic and **S**ad _

_

* * *

_**I don't need your luck, asshole!**

**_If I'm lucky_? If I'm lucky, you would just fall on a fork tomorrow morning and die. Yeah.  
**

**And change your messenger bird; it has the most hideous, sharp, shrill and annoying squawk. Is it even a bird? It looks like one of Orochimaru's experiments that went haywire. I might just kill it _by accident _like I did with the other one! And how did this dumb bird manage to arrive with your letter in just fifteen minutes?  
**

**--(LEAVING FOR REAL NOW) Sakura  
**

* * *

_Hmph, so it was you who killed Bird? I have no idea how this current messenger bird got back so fast. Orochimaru must have given it steroids or something. _

_--Sasuke

* * *

_

Hey Bastard,

Then what's with all the capitals? You sure seemed frustrated from how hard and angrily you wrote the letter- the scratches are pretty deep.

I still think you're a moron for going with Orochimaru. Nothing can beat travelling around the world, and generally not associating with creepy pedophiles who want to take over your body.

Really, why is it you think you'll never be able to "catch up" to Itachi in Konoha? You were actually doing fine, but I guess you like to live dangerously.

Please, whatever flashy technique you and that pedophile come up with, you can't replicate a force of nature. Those electrical storms make you look puny, like you really are. Plus you can't beat this new technique ero-sennin is teaching me- of course I'm not going to tell you anything about it, but damn, it's _awesome,_ even your Chidori with whatever bells and whistles you attach to it won't be able to stand up against it.

Hey, I can summon, can you? Maybe Orochimaru thinks you're too delicate to handle that- probably why he hasn't taught you yet.

And come on, admit it, Sasu-chan. Your face is at the very least, androgynous, if not, somewhat effeminate looking.

And on the issue of my location, please, ero-sennin said it was fine. He knows something (but isn't telling me, dammit!) about why that snake-pedophile got chased out of the Akatsuki and is fairly confident Orochimaru won't collaborate with them.

Even then, Lightning Country isn't exactly small.

--Naruto

P.S Your handwriting is uglier then usual. I bet you burnt your right hand while trying to create Uber!Chidori, so you're writing with your left, eh?

* * *

_Dobe,_

_I am not even going to answer your incessant questioning of my emotional state and how effeminate I look. Yes, I injured my hand. But I am ambidextrous, at least, even if my left hand isn't my dominant hand. I bet anything you tried to write with your non-dominant hand would resemble some kind of chicken scrawl. _

_Heh, Chidori is effective because of its SPEED. Whatever "awesome" jutsu you came up with, nothing travels faster then light. _

_Shut up about Itachi. You have NO IDEA how favoritism is like among parents. They always gave him BETTER STUFF! My aunt gave him the bigger set of color pencils with all SEVENTY-TWO colors for his sixth birthday while I got the measly twelve-colored one! Well, he never used it- he was in all his damned coolness already toying with real kunai and shuriken- unlike me, but STILL. Whenever Itachi pulled another of his awesome accomplishments out of his ass- like when he got into the Konoha ANBU, Father was always; "As expected of my son."_

_Me? What am I, chopped liver? "Become a good ninja like your brother." _

_That was ALL he said when I placed FIRST, dammit, FIRST, in our class at the Academy- the same as that bastard, Itachi in his own year. And I actually bothered to go and find him to show him my card while Itachi was always nonchalant about EVERYTHING- he even threw away his own glowing report card- it was Mother who found it in the trash._

_So I decide to labor for days to learn Katon: Goukakyu no Jutsu to prove to Father I'm not in Itachi's shadow. The first thing my father says when I tell him I want to learn it? Oh, he thinks I can't do it. Wow, HOW ENCOURAGING. So I get burns and exhaust my chakra, and excited and jittery, I bring Father to the lake and produce one hell of a fireball. And well, he FINALLY said, "As expected, you are my son."- but he wouldn't even freaking look at me when he was saying that! _

_It was the first and last time he said it. After that, Itachi decided to murder everyone- and that guaranteed Father would never say "As expected of my son" to me ever again__- and the rest is history__. _

_That is also why I hate Itachi.  
_

_--Sasuke_

_P.S Orochimaru says he's going to teach me to summon, so there.  
_

_

* * *

_Jeez, Bastard,

Stop bitching.

At least you got presents to begin with. The only presents I ever got on my birthday back then was everybody glaring at me, and the time some asshole decided it would be funny to trash my apartment because I am generally disliked and my birthday is on the same day the Kyuubi attacked the village. And that time Old Man Hokage gave me a set of kunai and shuriken, and when Iruka-sensei treated me to fifteen bowls of ramen. Other then that?

ZILCH. ZERO. Nothing. Not even a glorified SIX set of color pencils or any stuffed toys like that dinosaur one you have (2).

Hell, I didn't even _see _a set of color pencils, be it the twelve color, let alone, seventy-two one when I was in the scribbling stage. I had to settle for ink and pencils. I didn't even have any parents, nor did I even _know _who they are- and I still don't, up till now. (I strongly suspect ero-sennin does, and I intend to force it out of him one of these days.) Despite your father's blatant favoritism of Itachi, hell, at least you had your mother, whom, I recall you telling me some time, was quite nice to you.

And oh, at the Academy all the teachers would gush how awesome you are. At least YOU weren't relegated to being a hopeless case.

Hey, I so would NOT write a chicken scrawl, I'm not ambidextrous but _my _hand would probably have healed by now, heh, Sasu-chan.

Oh? Nothing can be faster then light? Think what you want, Sasu-chan. Just don't be _too _shocked when you're owned by my _awesome _new jutsu.

--Naruto

P.S The Kumogakure lightning storms _still _own your Chidori. And, be careful you don't kill yourself from chakra exhaustion. Summoning is pretty chakra intensive, you know.

* * *

_(1) Euphemism meaning cannon fodder. You know, in a show where they have hundreds of bad guys that are really weak and easily defeated, and basically their only purpose is to try to overwhelm the good guy through their numbers. Originated from Star Trek, or something.  
_

_(2) Reference to dinosaur/lizard stuffed toy seen in Sasuke's flashback in Chapter 402._

_Thanks for reading, and please review!  
_

_More on Sasuke's inferiority complex and favoritism issues with Itachi in the next chapter. And a bunch of other stuff.  
_


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